I am Me (everyone else is taken): Mourning Britt

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Mourning Britt

A few weeks ago, our dear neighbors lost their 18 year old son, Britt as he went in for a biopsy on a brain tumor and never came out. I've never experienced heart break so intense. This isn't even my tragedy to bear but I feel so incredibly attached to it that I can't stop thinking about it. I worry about Britt's mom, a beautiful and strong woman who, at the same time, is vulnerable and fragile. Every time I think about her I worry. The only time I feel better is when I'm with her, talking to her, looking at her, seeing that she's breathing and surviving another day. I yearn for the many light hearted conversations I've had with her over everything from our children's constipation issues to the latest and greatest book to read. Will she ever be able to have those conversations again? What do I say to her day after day...or does she just need for people to stay away? It's terrible to feel someone's pain so intensely and yet be completely powerless to do anything about it. Today I got an e-mail from a friend that said I would be blessed to know that I am right where I need to be. Hmmmm. Where do I need to be right now? I guess all I can do is be a good mom. And hope I can do and say the right things to the people I love.

1 comment:

Josh and Emily said...: This is Shelly's friend Emily again. This woman you are talking about is my cousin. Wow, small world-huge tragedy. She really is amazing.; February 16, 2009 at 12:41 PM

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Kyler - March 2011 - After we told him to pack his suitcase...we were going to Disneyland: "Oh my gosh. I think I almost happy-cried!"
Kyler - July 2009 - After walking through a temple open house and seeing a player piano in the reception hall: "Mom, I think the Holy Ghost is playing that piano!"
Kolby - June 2009 - Shooting his very first bb gun, taking turns with Mom and LOVING it..."I get three turns every time because I'm three, right Mom? How many are you?" Mom says, "35." {pause...pause...} "I get three turns because I'm three, Mom, but you just get one turn because you're too many!"
Kolby - March 2009 - At the dinner table Kenyon accidentally knocked over a cup of chocolate milk and it landed in Kolby's lap. We were all waiting for Kolby to freak out. He looked at Kenyon, and, in an exasperated tone, simply said, "Why." And it was not a question. It was a statement.
Kyler - Fall 2008 - We were getting ready for our Primary Program and had been practicing the song, "Onward, Ever Onward...." Kyler was in his room one day singing it at the top of his lungs, only this was his version: "Awkward, Ever Awkward..."
Kyler - 2008 - While talking with his five year old friends (who obviously have older brothers): "Kaylee is hot!" Then later, after his friends went home, to me: "Mom, what does 'hot' mean?"
Kolby 2008 - "I love you so much!" (He says this several times a day, particularly when he knows he is in trouble.)
Kolby 2008 - After sneezing on me: "I got achoo all over you!"
Kolby December 2008, at the Lion House Restaurant, very loudly - "Hey! Kyler has fire on his weenie!" (He meant to say that he had a PICTURE of fire on his BEENIE.) To which the other three boys guffawed and loudly repeated several times. The other restaurant patrons were not quite as amused.
Kolby 12/28/08 - (From his carseat, in an exasperated tone, while trying to reach something) "Aaargh! I can't get that forkin thing!" We think he meant to say "freakin" but it really sounded like something else and shocked us all.
Kolby 11/28/08 - (About Grum and Tannie) "Hey, they have the same head!"
Kaden's famous saying in response to "You get what you get and you don't throw a fit:" - "You get what you choose and you choose what you want!"
Kenyon - first grade - (Written in his Christmas wish list booklet,) "If I could have one thing for Christmas, it would be Miss Winkel's phone number."
Kyler - 2006 - After receiving a total revelation - "Mom! Did you know that every day has a night!?"
Kenyon 2005 - (At the grocery store, looking up and down the aisle for chicken broth,) "I didn't know chickens wear bras!"
Kaden - 8 years old - (When asked if he could tend our Spanish-speaking friend's snake for a couple of years,) - "I wish we could take it, but we don't speak Spanish!"